1、兜里还有钱吗？ 兜里，多少钱哪才？才70多块钱。我还有400。行，够了。 这也不能够啊。哎呀，够不够就这样了。服务员！Uncle Zhao Here we are.Yadar Here we are.Uncle Zhao Its the most pricy eatin spot in Tieling: Scottish Tease / Fool.Yadar You got it wrong - Scottish taste / feel, not tease / fool.Uncle Zhao All right, taste / feel. Were gonna have our meal
2、 here anyway.Yadar But its very expensive.Uncle Zhao So whut? Weve got the money, 30,000 yuan. Wheres the bag?Yadar What bag?Uncle Zhao The yellow one with the money in it.Yadar Oh no, I left it on the brick bed. Uncle Zhao So whut can you do at all? Im goin trough all this for you and you had the n
3、erve to forget the bag on the bed! Any money left on you?Yadar Let me see. （Fumbling） only 70-plus yuan.Uncle Zhao Heres 400 more.Yadar Still not enough.Uncle Zhao No matter. Waiter!（小沈阳上）小沈阳：对不起大爷，我们这是高档酒店，不收农副产品。不是，我们是吃饭的。妈呀，吃饭的？不像啊？不太像。我说姑娘啊，这顿饭非常重要。妈呀，你管谁叫姑娘呢，人家是纯爷们。咋这么个打扮，还穿个裙子呢。这是按我们苏格兰风格来包装的。
4、再说也不是裙子啊，这不七分裤吗。你看，是有腿的哦。妈呀，着急穿跑偏了。妈呀，我说走道咋没有裆呢。行了，那条腿留明儿个穿，哈哈哈。小伙子我跟你说呀，今天我要请一位重要客人吃饭，你一定要招待好。呃，没问题。来来来，我问问你，你们这个酒店，如果要急头白脸吃一顿，得多少钱？咋还吃急眼了呢？我意思就是，最贵的都点上。得一、两万的。一、两万？啊，那啥，有没有这种情况，今儿个吃完了，明儿个来结账？（Shenyang, the waiter, enters.）Shenyang Sorry, sir. Were of high class here. We dont take on stuff from str
5、eet peddlers.Uncle Zhao Were your customers. Dont we look like it?Shenyang Not quite.re gonna have an important meal here, miss.Shenyang Dont you call me a miss. Im a man - from the inside out.Uncle Zhao Then how cme you wearin a skirt? Shenyang Why, its mens wear in Scottish style. See, its no skir
6、t but Capri pants. Look at this, look. Oh, damn it, I didnt get into one of the trousers in a hurry. No wonder I feel different while walking. Uncle Zhao Leave that trouser for tomorrow, hah! I tell you, boy, were gonna have a damn important guest here in a minute. You should do you best.Shenyang No
7、 problem.Uncle Zhao How much does a meal cost here if we get at it like mad?Shenyang Why so / Whats wrong?Uncle Zhao I mean if we order nothin but the best.Shenyang About 10,000 to 20,000.Uncle Zhao Whut if smebody eats today and pays tomorrow?打白条儿啊？不是啊，不是打白条，不差钱，有钱。喏。啥意思？小费。妈呀，大爷你真敞亮，你太帅了。给一百块钱还帅呢。
8、我跟你说这不白给啊。一会儿客人到了，你一定要给足我面子，明白吗？我到点菜的时候，你得替我兜着点。咋兜呢？既把面子给了，但是呢又不能花得.太狠。我要点贵菜.我就说没有呗。哎呀妈呀，你太厉害了。来来来，拿点。再给你30，来。我跟你都明码的哦。谢谢。放心吧。 爷爷，我有点饿了。饿了？来碗面条。呃，78一碗。啥面？这么贵。苏格兰打卤面。是不是卤子贵？卤不要钱。那就来碗卤子，先尝尝咸淡。快去，快去。妈呀，没这么上过呀。那是我没来，我要来，你早就这么上了。去吧去吧。这老爷子，我要说面条不要钱，要面条了你还。Shenyang Youll give me an IOU?Uncle Zhao Not that.
9、 Ive got the money anyway. Take this.Shenyang Whats it?Uncle Zhao A tip for you.Shenyang You do understand people / things / the world, sir - you look cool! Uncle Zhao Whuts a hundred yuan to me! Still, you aint get it for nothin. When my guest cmes, you put on a show with me. If I order expensive f
10、ood, you should stop me doin so.Shenyang Like how?Uncle Zhao Showin due respect for my guest, yes. Spendin too much on a meal, no. Whut if I ask for somethin dear?Shenyang Ill say sorry, this we dont have.Uncle Zhao Youre smart. Cme, heres another 30 yuan.m not gonna cheat you when it comes to price
11、s.Uncle Zhao Thank you, boy.Shenyang Nothing much.Yadar Grandpa, Im hungry.Uncle Zhao How muchs a bowl of noodles?Shenyang 78 yuan.Uncle Zhao Whut noodles can be so expensive?Shenyang Scottish sauced noodles.Uncle Zhao Does the sauce cost much, too?Shenyang Its free.Uncle Zhao Get us a bowl of sauce
12、, so we can see whether the tastes right. Quick.Shenyang Thats no way to serve a meal, sir.Uncle Zhao You think so only becuse I didnt show up here before. Now its time to make sme change.Shenyang （to himself） Had I said the noodles are free, he wouldve asked for noodles. （Exits）赵本山：来，站起来。跟你说，一会儿星光大
13、道的毕老师来了，你一定要给我争个脸，好不？这是人生最好的一次机会，知道吗？爷爷培养了你，都已经四十多年了。 爷爷，我才多大。我还培养你爸三十多年呢。这不，你爸那是个半成品，我都给培养成文化站站长了。你一定要超过他，有决心吗？ 有。表一下决心。 我指定：洪湖水，浪打浪，长江后浪推前浪，一浪更比一浪强，把我爹拍在沙滩上！有志向。哎，来了。来，先把这卤子喝了，这孩子饿了。 爷爷，有点咸了。没事，给她整碗水去。免费的水，不是？白开水就行。真够抠的。Uncle Zhao （to Yadar） Listen here, Yadar. When Mr. Bi from CCTVs Starlight Bro
14、adway cmes, you must show you best, OK? Its the best opportnity for you own future. Grandpas been preparin you over the past 40-plus years.Yadar Grandpa, see how old I am now.Uncle Zhao I prepared you daddy for 30 extra years. Though he aint good enough, hes the chief of the townships cultural cente
15、r. So you really should outdo him. Can you make it or not?Yadar I can.Uncle Zhao Swear if youre serious.Yadar The Yangtze River like the Hong waters rolls on and on,Each wave behind higher than the one at the front.Young people are born to challenge their elders;Ill beach my daddy like. like a wreck
16、ed old ship.Uncle Zhao Good for you / Well said!（Shenyang enters again.）Shenyang Heres the sauce for you.Uncle Zhao （to Yadar） Eat this, so you wont be too hungry.Yadar Grandpa, its a bit salty.Uncle Zhao （to Shenyang） Fetch her sme water to drink.Shenyang You mean free water?Uncle Zhao Just plain b
17、oiled water, you miser.（毕福剑上） 哟，你不是那谁吗，你是那个.蒙住了。朱军？不是朱军。白岩松？不是。老毕.你是毕老师吗？毕福剑：我姓毕。哎呀我的妈呀，毕老师来了。你咋出来了呢？哎呀我的妈呀，快来人啊，毕老师，一会儿该跑了。干啥，吵吵巴火的，让狼撵了咋的？毕老师.我知道，这就是我要请的客人。哎呀我的妈呀，毕老师，你给我照个相呗！赵本山: 你先等一会儿。刚到是吧？刚到，刚到。我在这儿等半天了。你好你好。请问您是.？你找谁？我找莲花乡文化站站长赵铁柱。找对了，这就是赵铁柱的爹，我是. 赵铁柱是我爹。我是赵铁柱的爹。你不是找爹吗？啊不，找就对了。爹.不是，我找您儿子。他在乡里
18、等你呢。啊呀，乡里布置得老隆重啊，乡长、书记都在那儿排队等你呢。布一个大厅，完事弄一个大房间，给你弄一个大照片挂中间，周围全是花呀。老哥，这花都什么颜色？白的、黄的都有啊。很漂亮，真的。老百姓都拿笔等着，等得都哭啊，等你呢。哭什么？这不激动吗，你去了。来吧，请.咱去乡里吧。别介，乡里布置我，说先搁铁岭吃一顿，完事上那儿。你看吧。（Bi Fujian, MC / anchorman of CCTVs Starlight Broadway program, enters.）Shenyang Why, arent you that one - Zhujun! Oh sorry. Bai Yanson
19、g? Oh no. Or a Bi something! Are you Mr. Bi?CCTV Man Im Bi Fujian. Shenyang Come here everyone, its Mr. Bi here. （To CCTV Man） Why are you hanging out here, sir? Hurry up! Come here! He can go elsewhere at any minute.Uncle Zhao Whut the hells going on? Anythin to be so fussy abut? Youre being hounde
20、d by a wolf?Shenyang Hes Mr. Bi.Uncle Zhao I know, an hes the guest Im honored to keep compny today.Shenyang Gosh, can I have a picture taken with you, Mr. Bi?Uncle Zhao （to Shenyang） Wait, wait. （To CCTV Man） Welcme, Mr. Bi.CCTV Man Nice to meet you.Uncle Zhao Ive been waitin all this time for you.
21、CCTV Man Thanks a lot really. May I have your name please?Uncle Zhao Which man did you expect to see?m looking for Zhao Tiezhu, chief of Lotus Townships cultural center.Uncle Zhao You got it. Heres his daddy and Im.Yadar Zhao Tiezhu is my daddy.Uncle Zhao Anm Tiezhus daddy. Arent you lookin for a da
22、d. I mean its right to be looking my way.CCTV Man Hi, daddy. I mean buddy. So wheres your son? Uncle Zhao Hes at the township waitin for you. Local government officials all lining up, too, to pay their pious respects to you. With enormous care theyve prepared a great hall, a big room, with a large p
23、hoto of you hung in the middle. Flowers all around.CCTV Man Whatre the colors of the flowers, buddy? Uncle Zhao Theyre all in white and yellow. Lots of folks waiting for you with signature pens in hands, tears spillin all over.CCTV Man Whys that?Uncle Zhao Theyre excited.CCTV Man Lets go there, then
24、.Uncle Zhao The center asked me to feast you here in town first. How abut that?毕福剑：在这儿吃饭？这是铁岭最贵的，你来吧。别别，大爷，不，老哥，我在飞机上吃了。那客随主便，好不好？给你怎么安排你就听话，来来。毕老师，你不给照个相吗？毕老师。你是男服务员？嗯哪。长得挺委婉的。我刚开始来就误会了，你说哪有这打扮，哎呀妈呀。坐，刚到是吧？咱是老乡。是吗？你不是大连人吗？对对，大连人。你住哪儿？毕福间 我住大连老鳖湾。哎呀妈呀，有亲戚，孩子她姥爷也在老鳖湾，也姓毕。你姥爷叫毕什么？ 毕门庭。你姥爷打麻将肯定是高手。赵福剑：
25、咋的？闭门听嘛。正好你叫闭门炮。CCTV Man Why here?Uncle Zhao Here weve got the best restaurant in Tieling. Do cme this way please.CCTV Man But Ive had my meal on the plane.re my guest, so please follow my arrangements.Shenyang A picture of the two of us, please.CCTV Man （to Shenyang） Youre. a male waiter?Shenyang Yup.CCTV Man You look awfully, awfully sweet, boy. Uncle Zhao I, too, took him to be a woman when I first came. How funny he is dressin
