1、英语幽默短剧剧本英语幽默短剧剧本 搞笑英语话剧剧本西门吹雪与叶孤城 搞笑7人剧本西门吹雪与叶孤城 演员表：西门吹雪、叶孤城、花满楼、king、路人、上官雪儿 旁白 道具：牛奶两袋，匕首一把，戒子一枚，纸屑若干。 第一幕：决战紫荆城之颠 旁白：A quiet village is covered with white snow . Birds are dancing in the cold . A man is walking along the street ,step by step . Wind is ing in silence. Another mysterious man appro
2、aches . Y与X相遇 X：oH ,I am sorry to knock you ! Y:, Never mind baby. X:Excuse me， who are you on earth? Could you tell me your name? Y:,I wont change my name! no matter what happens. Im the most famous-YeGucheng. Who are you? X:Iamximenchuixue. Y惊讶:Ar, ximenchui xue?the best MartialArts? X:Great, you
3、know me !Today is your dead date! Y抱腿：Please, please Dont kill me! Let me go! X:No, I must kill you ! Y:I dont want to be killed. There are a eighty-year-old mother and a three-year old son to be looked after by me! X:No way! Because we are fighting now ! you know ? Y突然站起冷冷的说：Dont force me! X:Pardon
4、! (Y拿出一袋牛奶) X抢过牛奶:milk, very good ! I like drinking it. How do you know that? Y:please drink it! X喝完牛奶:Thanks, Y:Do you still want to kill me ? X:Sure, must! Milk is milk. Y(恼怒+冷酷):Very good ! very good ! I hope you will not forget what you said!? X:Im sure I wont! Y:I must give you a lesson ! If I
5、dont beat you this time, youll never behave properly ! 3-2-1! X捂着肚子，蹲下（做痛苦状）：Oach,Oach ! Y大笑：HaHathe milk is exceed the time limit （一人路过，x起身跑过去） X可怜状: excuse me! Help , help , Where is the washroom?please ,tell me . Y:Oh,I see ,go along this street and turn right when you see a corssing road! X:Than
6、ks,byebye. Y:byebye (以胜利者的语气，转头,看见 花满楼) Y:Who are you? H:Huaman-lou! Have you seen ximenchuixue? Y:Yes, he was beaten by me and is in “WC” . H惊讶:Now you are the best in the world ! Y:You are right ! H:Teriffic ! you are the one my king looking for ! do you want join in us? If you follow my king,he w
7、ill give what you want. Y:Yes,Its very good. H:Ok, follow me, Lets go to see my king! 第二幕：无间道 H:My dearest ! let me introduce yegucheng to you! （指Y） this is yegucheng. K:sit down plese, yegucheng. Y:excuse me,I have a question.will you give me what I want just if I follow you? King:yes,I will. Y:Tha
8、ts good. Can you give me a MM ? K:of couse.You are the one who has the similar taste with me! Hahaha Y:of course. 美女出场 M:hello，帅锅. K: this is shangguanxueer.ok,now lets have a ritual. H走到Y前，婚礼进行曲起，H神甫状:Yegucheng! Do you want to follow my king no matter what happens such as cold headache , poor ,rich
9、? Y: Yes,I do. K: Huamanlou, e . put the ring on his finger!（音乐停） X唱着上:(看到戒指) this ring should be mine! K:But who are you ? why should it belong to you? Y急切: king! Dear king ! I must go now , my brother is looking for me. X冷酷:yegucheng! Come here ! I want to tell you something! Y抱X的腿:old brother ! F
10、orgive me! X:Forgive you? Why ? Y: Once there was a chance before me , I lost it . If the god give me another chance, Ill tell you “ I love you ” , If the remustbea limited period,I hope it is thousand year! X:You shall cheat me ! all you did are wrong ! how can you tell me the ladys “WC”! Y:I like
11、going ladys WC .III think that you like what I like.(又拿出一袋牛奶) X:milk?I love you. K:Dont say that “you love me”. Ill kill you for you saying dirty word to me ! X:What? (侧耳装着听不到) Youkill-me?e, e(上去抓住K) K:Fuck you. I must kill you! X:How can you kill me? haha Y:Let me have a try! 3-2-1(X捂着肚子，蹲下) M: oh,
12、what happened?（看着X，做惊吓状）are you ok?（跑 到西门吹雪身边） Y :do you want to go to wc? X:Yes,II do. Y:haha, the milk was added 三聚氰胺 beyond standards. M: you , stupid , bad behavior ! go away ! K; why ? why do you help him ! who actually are you ? M: actually,Im a spy sended by LuXiaofeng,and I fell in love with
13、 ximenchuixue. K惊讶: !youyouYou are Xlover? Y: do you know, you are the first person who cheated me ! I hate you .(轻声说)let me tell you,will die. M扑倒在的身边：,dot die ,you should be alive ,there are much hope in the future and tomorrow is a good beginning ! K:what a moving story ! I was impressed ! Y:life
14、 is a progress ,but it is depressed that it can not resume ! M: life is a progress ,and it is delight that it neednt resume ! (M忽然将一把匕首插进Y的心脏，吓跑.音乐再见，警察起) Y痛苦状:I never anticipate you treat me by this ,why?tell me why?(Y死，音乐停) （X咳，H扑到身边，电影我的父亲母亲原声音乐起） M: X , oh , no ,you cant die ,we will go home tog
15、ether . X:go home ! ? M:Tomorrow is another day ! even you have the last second to live ,you should be alive ,not only for me , but for our love. X: promise me,youll get on well,and youll never let go. M I promise . I will never let go（X死） , M: be alive !yeah , be alive ! be alive without ahendance
16、! 搞笑小学英语小品剧本新守株待兔 人物：农夫，兔子A，兔子B，大树。 农夫：Im a farmer.（稍停顿）走两步A cool farmer.（掏出墨镜戴上）冷酷地走两步，突然被绊了一跤，继续保持冷酷Eh.When I was yong,I studied in Xuchuan Middle School.So, Im rich now！开始展示名牌，边说边掏Look！This is my modern mobileNokia WC 250！This is my watch!This is my MP3!These are my shoes(夸张低沉地)ADIDAS!This is 不经意
17、地掏出一个苹果Oh,sorry.扔掉苹果Its this!从怀里掏出痒痒挠 Do you know whats this？痒痒挠？No no noYou are out!Its my modern锄头！看下表 It is time to do some farming！开始弯下腰做出锄地的动作 树：Im a tree!I can do many things!I can sing!做出疯狂摇滚歌手的动作，哼哼哈西！I can dance!跳四小天鹅 Oh?There es a rabbit! 引导观众看兔子A)。树站回后台 兔子A：OK,Im a rabbit. Now Im just wal
18、king around here. 农夫继续锄地，边锄边上场，突然看见前面有个兔子 农夫：（惊喜地）Lunch！扔掉痒痒挠I will catch it！ 偷偷摸摸地跟到兔子后面走 农夫跟在兔子后面。两个人走啊走。兔子突然回头。农夫假装看手表。两人继续走。兔子回头。农夫假装看天气。两人继续走。兔子回头。农夫假装打手机。两人继续走，兔子回头。这次农夫冷酷地把枪口对准了兔子。 兔子A：Wahhhh!（吓一跳）What do you want? 农夫：Huh！I will kill U for lunch! 兔子A： Wah 兔子跑，躲到树后面，农夫追到树前 农夫：Where to go? Haha
19、! 农夫开了一枪“砰”(配音)。兔子在树后惊慌躲闪，没被打到。树做出受伤中弹状。 农夫又开枪，同上。 农夫开始加快频率，火力密集地开枪。兔子开始时惊慌躲闪，躲着躲着跳起舞来。树继续痛苦中弹状。 兔子A自我陶醉中，边跳舞边说You cant hurt me! You cant hurt me！ 树：痛苦万分地ButyouHurt me.痛苦地慢慢挪动到兔子背后 兔子继续兴奋地跳舞。农夫停止开枪，走到兔子面前，看着它。 兔子猛然抬头发现农夫：Ah ha! Bye bye ! 举枪对准兔子，开枪，没声音，看看枪，示意没子弹了。兔子见状，非常兴奋地大笑起来 兔子A：Ha ha ha ha! You c
20、ant kill me now！ 兴奋大笑，笑到抽筋，笑到后仰。突然头撞倒了后面的树 Wa ！倒地 农夫：OH! 很兴奋地过去两个手指提起兔子My lunch , I caught you ! 把兔子绑到树上。打呵欠tired! Ill eat you after sleeping.倒地睡觉（打鼾的声音） 兔子A：兔子很快醒了，看看四周，发现自己被绑了，很惊讶Where am I? What happened? 树：指着农夫He has caught you and wants to eat you. 兔子A：What?! I must leave here! But how can I es
21、cape？东张西望，看到农夫的手机A mobile!解开绳子去看手机Its Nokia WC 250! Wow,how fashion!放回原处。又自觉地把自己绑在树上。 突然想起来A mobile！Maybe I can call some one to help me！ 又不知不觉地把自己放出来，那起手机做出打电话的样子 (配音：拨电话) Hello？ 兔子B：Hello!Its Jenny. 兔子A：Hey Jenny！ 兔子B：Oh,hey Mary! 兔子A：How are you? 兔子B：Fine,thank you.And U? 兔子A：Im fine too!How are
22、your parents? 兔子B：They are fine,thank you.And U? 兔子A：They are fine,too!How is your uncle? 兔子B：Hes fine,thank you!And U? 兔子A：Hes fine , too! How 兔子B：Eh.eh.ehwait.But why do you call me? If you want borrow some money from meNO WAY! 兔子A：No no no!Im in danger now!Come and help me! 兔子B：But where are you?
23、 兔子A：Im under a tree! 兔子B：边打电话边在附近走，经过兔子A面前，两个人还没发现What can you see around you? 兔子A：I see a rabbit that looks exactly like you! 兔子B：A rabbitlike me OK!Ill find you.Just a second!Wait for me! I will help you! 匆匆离开 兔子A 打完电话，小心翼翼地把手机放回农夫处，然后又很自觉地要把自己绑回了树上 兔子A：Haha!My friend will e and save me!yeah! 兴奋过
24、度，后仰，头又撞倒树上,倒地(虚弱地)Oh!Hurt! Call 110Or 119?112?.Oh,forget it!Im dying!作喉咙卡住声音，死去 兔子B上。兔子B：Im also a rabbit！Im smart! Im lovely! And Im (作风情万 种)beautiful! （自我陶醉）转头看自己右手边，却发现兔子A倒在地上Oh,my!Mary!伏在兔子A身上(哭声)Im so sorry,Mary!Im too late!5555555Mary!痛苦而夸张地转身敲打树 树：Oh!Oh,dont hit me.!Dont hit me!Im breaken!朝地
25、上倒，压倒兔子B 兔子B：What?NO.NO!.Icant.breath(作死了的声音) 农夫一觉醒来。看见两只兔子 En.?Two rubbits! I rememer I have caught just one?!Oh,thanks god!How lucky I am!兴奋地一手提一只兔子，哼着小曲下场 郑 Aside ?said：（Class will start soon） 旁白：马上要上课了 方 Tom:Joe,could I see your position?k?mp?z?n ? Tom:Joe,我可以看看你的作文吗？ 杰 Joe：OK。 Joe：好吧。 Aside：（To
26、m copies the position and hand in it.In a short time,the teacher e in with a book.） 旁白：Tom抄袭了作文并交了上去。不一会儿，老师拿着一本书进来了 然 Teacher: Class begin! 老师：上课！ 肖 class monitorm?n?t?(r) ：Stand up! 班长：起立！ All the students:Good afternoon,Ms.Green. 全体同学：下午好，格莱恩女士。 Teacher:Good afternoon,class.Sit down,please. 老师：下午
27、好，同学们。请坐。 Teacher：Before class, I want to ask you a question: Did you do your homework by yourselves?If you do,please put up your hands. 老师：在上课之前，我想问你们一个问题：你们是独立完成家庭作业吗？如果你这样 做，请举手。 Aside：(All the students put up their hands.) 旁白：（所有学生都举起了手。） Teacher: But Tom, your position on “My Dog” is exactly th
28、e same as your brother， Joes. Did you copy his? 老师: 但是Tom, 你的作文我的狗狗里写的东西和你哥哥Joe写得一模一样. 你是 不是抄袭了他的? Tom: No Ms.Green, its the same dog. Tom: 不是这样的,老师! 我们俩养的是同一只狗狗. Aside：(The teacher is angry.At the same time,Frank ing.) 旁白：（老师有一些生气。与此同时，Frank进来了） 王 Frank:Sorry,Im late.May I e in? Frank:对不起，我迟到了。我可以进来吗？ Teacher: Why are you late, Frank?Dont you konw its already?l?r?di 9:00. 老师: Frank, 说为什么你迟到了.你难道不知道现在几点了，都九点了！ Frank : Because?because of the sign. Frank: 因为,因为那个标志. Teacher: What sign? 老师: 神马标志? Frank : The one t
