201706浙江续写作文讲评.ppt
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201706浙江续写作文讲评.ppt
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阅读下面短文,根据所给情节进行续写,使之构成一个完整的故事。
Onabright,warmJulyafternoon,MacHollan,aprimaryschoolteacher,wascyclingfromhishometoAlaskawithhisfriends.Oneofhisfriendshadstoppedtomakeabicyclerepair,buttheyhadencouragedMactocarryon,andtheywouldcatchupwithhimsoon.AsMacpedaled(骑行)alongalone,hethoughtfondlyofhiswifeandtwoyoungdaughtersathome.Hehopedtoshowthemthisbeautifulplacesomeday.ThenMacheardquickandloudbreathingbehindhim.“Man,thatsabigdog!
hethought.Butwhenhelookedtotheside,hesawinstantlythatitwasntadogatall,butawolfquicklycatchingupwithhim.,Macsheartjumped.Hefoundouthiscanofbearspray.Withonehandonthebars,hefiredthesprayatthewolf.Abrightredcloudenvelopedtheanimal,andtoMacsrelief,itfellback,shakingitshead.Butaminutelater,itwasbyhissideagain.ThenitattackedthebackofMacsbike,tearingopenhistenthag.Hefiredatthewolfasecondtime,andagain,itfellbackonlytoquicklyrestartthechase(追赶).Macwaspedalinghardnow.Hewavedandyelledatpassingcarsbutwascarefulnottoshowdown.Hesawasteepuphillclimbbeforehim.Heknewthatoncehehitthehill,hedbeeasycaughtupandthewolfsteethwouldbetearingintohisflesh.Atthismoment,PaulandBeckyweredrivingtheircarontheirwaytoAlaska.Theydidntthinkmuchofitwhen,theysawtwocyclistsrepairingtheirbikeonthesideoftheroad.Abitlater,theyspottedwhatthey,too,assumedwasadogrunningalongsideamanonabike.Astheygotcloser,theyrealizedthatthedogwasawolf.Macheardalargevehiclebehindhim.Hepulledinfrontofitasthewolfwascatchingupfast,justadozenyardsawaynow.注意:
1.所续写短文的词数应为150左右;2.应使用5个以上短文中标有下划线的关键词语;3.续写部分分为两段,每段开头语已为你写好;4.续写完成后,请用下划线标出你所使用的关键词语。
Para1:
Thecarabruptlystoppedinfrontofhim.Para2:
Afewminuteslater,theothertwocyclistsarrived.,评分标准,1与所给短文及段落开头语的衔接程度2内容的丰富性和对所标出关键词语的应用情况3应用语法结构和词汇的丰富性和准确性4上下文的连贯性,Narration(记叙文)Argumentation(议论文)C.Exposition(说明文),Writingstyle,who:
MachisfriendsPaulandBeckywhen:
onabright,warmJulyafternoonwhere:
fromhishometoAlaskawhat:
tookatripandadventuredwhy:
enjoyedthelife,astory(when,where,who,what,how),审体裁:
记叙文审时态:
一般过去时审前文大意以及要点,what:
heard,saw,fountout,fired,firedagain,pedalhard,wavedandyelledheard,pulledastory:
beginning;development;ending,结伴骑行-独自遇狼-,奋力逃生,逃出,感受,Theprovidedbeginnings,Para1:
Thecarabruptlystoppedinfrontofhim.Para2:
Afewminuteslater,theothertwocyclistsarrived.,结伴骑行-独自遇狼-Para1:
Thecarabruptlystoppedinfrontofhim.Whosecarwasit?
Whydiditstop?
HowdidMacfeel?
WhatwouldMacdo?
Para2:
Afewminuteslater,theothertwocyclistsarrived.Whatdidtheysee?
Whatwouldtheydo?
卷面;段落,字数;衔接(与首句;两段之间;句子之间)故事发展准确性(用词;句子结构;语法;符合情景否?
),改卷经验,出现的问题,衔接(与首句;两段之间;句子之间)故事发展准确性(用词;句子结构;语法;符合情景否?
),出现的问题,衔接(与首句;两段之间;句子之间)故事发展,童话式的寓言式的无厘头式的戏剧式的,出现的问题,准确性(用词;句子结构;语法;符合情景否?
),1afraid;nervous;frightened2catch,catchup,catchupwith3“Getintothecarquickly,man!
”saidPaul.4发动汽车5狼追我们6汽油不够7自行车上跳下8call?
/callfor?
thepolice,出现的问题,准确性(用词;句子结构;语法;符合情景否?
),Hesawthewolfsfacenearhim.Heusedhisfisthitthefaceofthewolfstrongly.Seeingthewolfsfacesoclosetohim,hehititwithallhisstrength/heavilyusinghisfist.,出现的问题,准确性(用词;句子结构;语法;符合情景否?
),基本语法错误不规则动词(P106)though/butdangerous/indangerthanksto/thanks,出现的问题,准确性(用词;句子结构;语法;符合情景否?
),1“Hey,friend!
Calmdown!
Jumpoutofyourbicycleandgetintoourcar!
”shoutedPaul.2Afewminuteslater,thepolicearrived.3妻子带着孩子过来了。
4送医院去了。
5骑自行车一会儿就到家了。
描写恐惧Thoughhewassafe,hestillfeltthedreadstoppingthepassageofairtohislung,withhislegstrembling.Atthesightoftheferociouswolf,Ifeltsoscaredthatmythroattightenedandmykneesfeltweak.Atthesightoftheferociouswolf,Ifrozewithterror,tooscaredtomoveaninch.Atthesightoftheferociouswolf,Iwasseizedbyastrongsenseofhorrorandmypalmsweresweating.Itwasreallyamomentoflifeanddeath.Sittinginthecar,hestillfelthisheartbeatingwildly.Hesatthere,toofrightenedtoutteraword.,描写恐惧Hesattherewithhishandstremblingforquiteawhile.Hesatthere,allwetthroughbecauseoftheextremefright.Hesatthere,hisfacetotallypale.,
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