巴比伦饭店第一季第一集.docx
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巴比伦饭店第一季第一集.docx
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巴比伦饭店第一季第一集
MAN:
Maybeyou'reonholiday.
Maybeyou'reonabusinesstrip.
Maybeyoumissedthelasttrainorthelastflight.
Thanks.
Maybeyou'regettingmarried.
Maybeyouhadarowwithyourwifeorhusbandandtheykickedyouout.
Chancesareyoumightendupsomewherelikethis.
Justsignthere.
£863?
Fortwonights?
Sir,thebillisfullyitemised.
Roomcharge,restaurant,bar,telephone,drycleaning.
Howcanyoujustifychargingtheseprices?
Thisisextortion.
Okay,it'sgonnacostyouanarmandaleg,
andifthisisyourfirstvisit,itmaycomeasabitofashock,
butwhatareyougonnagetforyourmoney?
Thebestview.Thebestservice.
Thefinestingredients.
Theutmostdiscretion.
Butthat'snotthewholepicture.Whatyou'rereallypayingforistheopportunity
toliveoutyourwildest,darkest,craziestfantasies.
Tobe,formaybejustanightortwo,thepersonyoureallywanttobe.
I'mnotpayingit.
MrAustin,gladIcaughtyou.MrsAustinleftsomepersonalitemsintheroom.
Perhapsonyournextvisit,MrsAustincanenjoysomecomplimentarysessions
inourhealthandbeautyspa.
Whateverorwhoeveryouwanttobe...
Thankyou.
...we'lllookafteryou.
WhatwouldyousayyourresponsibilitieswouldbeifIgaveyouthejob?
I'dsaymynumberoneresponsibilityasdeputymanagerwouldbetotheguests,
toensuretheyhaveanenjoyableandrelaxingstay.
Myjobistoservethem,nomatterhowabsurd,bizarreorperversetheirrequirementsmaybe.
(PAGERBEEPING)
Oh,God.Sorry.Doyoumind?
IthinkIhaveallthenecessaryskills.
I'morganised,ambitious,
andIjustthinkthejobwillbemorepersonallyrewardingthanworkingonreception.
Yousaid"think"twice.Isthatabadthing?
Tryusing"believe",asin,Ibelieveyouraccountisoverdue,MrsAkiko.
Putsamorepositivespinonthings.
Letmesee.Didwefindthefinger?
Okay,gethimtoahospital.
(PAGERBEEPING)
Youhavealltheattributesofagoodreceptionist.You'repolite,handsome,flirtatious
andyetstrangelyasexual.Thankyou.
SowhywouldIwanttolosemybestreceptionistandgainaninexperienceddeputymanager?
Comeon,out!
Thehonestybarisforguests,notforthehomeless.
Everybloodymorninghe'shere.MaybeIputsomeicedownhisback,eh?
I'llhandlethis.Thankyou,Gino.
Darling,it'sgone9:
00.Timetogotowork.
Dinnerwillbeonthetablewhenyougethome.
Comeon,out.
Imagineyourworstday,adaywheneverythinggoeswrong
andeveryoneblamesyou.Thenmultiplythatby10.
Thatisanaveragedayinthelifeofahotelmanager.
Doesn'tputmeoff.Iwanttoprogress.
OnedayIwantyourjob.Inanotherfivestarhotel,obviously.
Don'ttellme,it'salwaysbeenyourboyhooddream.
Well,no,whatkidgrowsupdreamingaboutrunningahotel?
Idid.What'sinthebox,Tony?
MrKendal,302,requestedfemalecompany.
Iofferedhimafemaleescort.Heaskedforsomethingalittlebitdifferent.
Ifyou'llexcuseme,Ihavetogoandsourceafootpump.
Anyquestions?
Justone.Ifajobinmanagementisasbadasyousayitis,thenwhydoyoudoit?
Ineversaidthejobwasbad.Isaiditwaslonghoursandhardwork.
Therearealsoalotofperks.Like?
Like,ifyouevergetthejob,you'lldiscoverforyourself.
Mylastthreedeputiesallquitwithinsixmonths.
Noneofthemweretoughenoughtostanduptome.Areyou?
I...Ibelieveso.
Goodinterview,Charlie.I'llbemakingmydecisionaftertheweekend.
TheSaudigentleman,Sheik...?
SheikAhmedBinMarmet.
He'sbeenwaitingaroundallmorning,wantedtothankyoupersonallyforyournderstanding.
Thequestionyou'vegottoaskyourselfis,
isthejobreallyworthallthearsekissingthatgoeswithit?
It'sthebestjobintheworld.Itis.
Yougetrich,beautifulguestsmakingpassesatyou.
You'resurroundedbythebestofeverything,andontopofthat,thetipsaregreat.
Yeah,thetipsaregood.Andforamanager,they'reexcellent.
Mr...MrGeffen.TexasGeffen.
Camehereacoupleofweeksago.
HelentRebeccathekeystohisvillainBarbadosasathankyou.
Well,ifshewantssomeonetocarryherbags...
TherealreasonwhyIwantthisjobsobadly,
oneday,Iwanttobeabletocomeintoaplacelikethis,asaguest,
rentthebiggestsuite,orderanythingdayinanddayout,
andmoneyjustnotbeanobject.
Nevergonnahappen.Exactly.
Sosurely,thenextbestthingisbeinginchargeofaplacelikethis,
andifIhavetokissalittlebitofarse,then...I'llhappilypuckerup.
Doyouthinkshe'llgiveyouthejob?
Noidea.
Don'tsupposeit'llimproveyourchances
ifyou'rethreeminuteslateforhermorningmeeting?
Oh,shit.Youcoming?
No,I'mnottheonelookingforapromotion,sunshine.
Puckerup.
SorryI'mlate,Rebecca.Don'tmakeahabitofit,Charlie.
Anythingjuicyinlastnight'slog?
Relativelyquietnight
untilMrsSalcombeinroom706openedherminibaranddiscoveredthis.
Achocolatebar.
Openitandsee.Youcanimagineherdisappointment.
GoodGod,thismusthavetakensomeonehours.
SorryI'mlate,Rebecca.Don'tworryaboutit,Tony.
Howmuchdowechargeforthisbar?
£1.
Arrangeforacomplimentarybasketofchocolates
tobesentuptoMrsSalcombewithourapologies.
Thenfindoutwhooccupiedroom706beforeher.
Arewesurethiswasnotdonebyachambermaid?
Theyeatallbloodyday.Mygirlsdon'tsteal.
Whyisaguestperfectlyhappyshellingout£200anightforaroom,
buttheywon'tpayforabarofchocolate?
Well,theirexpensesdon'tcovertheminibar.Theycan'tclaimitback.
Oh,please.Okay,listenup.
ThedutymanagerattheBurlingtonhasbeenonthephone,wantstoknow
ifwecanaccommodatetheJunkDogs.Thewhat?
They'renotawhat,they'reawho.TheJunkDogsareanAmericanrockoutfit,
threenightsintoafivenightgigatWembleyArena.
Whatdoweknowaboutthem?
Bassplayerisaconvictedarsonist,
burntdowntheAristotleinDenveracoupleofyearsago.
Heavydrinkers?
Rockandrollers,Gino.
They'llclearyourbaroutinabouttwohours.JACKIE:
Soundliketrouble.
I'mexpectinga1796Napoleoncognacintoday.Icansellitfor£600ashot.
Markitupas750.I'llgetbacktotheBurlington,tellthemwe'dbedelightedtowelcomethe...
JunkDogs.TheJunkDogs.Rockandroll,everybody!
Excuseme,Rebecca.It'sonlyasmallpoint,
butwe'realreadybooked120%.Wecurrentlydon'thaveanyroomforthem.
I'msurewecansqueezetheminsomewhere,can'twe,Charlie?
CHARLIE:
Rockstarslovehotels,andwelovehavingthemtostay.
Partiesinthesuite,roundtheclockroomservice,
champagneJacuzzis,groupiesbythebusload.
Therich,thefamousandthenotorious,theyareourlifeline,
andwenever,everturnthemaway.
Apologiesfortheinconvenience,ladiesandgentlemen,
butduetoanelectricalfault,wehavetoclearthefloor.
Wedo,ofcourse,onlyhaveyoursafetyandcomfortinmind.
Receptionwillbehappytogiveyounewroomsoralternativeaccommodationatanearbyhotel.
Howarewedoing?
Justclearingthefloornow.
FindJackie.Gethousekeepingtosweepthrough.
Whydotheyneedtheentirefloortothemselves?
Securityreasons.Allcelebritiesarecowards.
Oh,Charlie,I'llbegivingyourpageandmobilenumberstotheband.
Anythingtheywant,anytimeofday,theycancallyou.
Me?
Youwanttoprogresstomanagement,
here'sanopportunitytoproveyourself.Youcancountonme,Rebecca.
Builduparapportwiththem.Makethemfeelcomfortable,relaxedandspecial.
Getthemintothebarassoonastheyarrive?
Exactly.
Oh,Idohopetheyrefrainfromurinating.Ihateitwhenguestsurinateonourproperty.
(CLEARINGTHROAT)
Oh.Hi.
We'rejustemptyingthe7thfloor.Yougotanychambermaidsfree?
I'llseewhatIcando.
Wasthereanythingelseyouwantedfromme?
We'vegotaproblemwith706.
Right.
MAN:
Oh,yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
(KNOCKINGONDOOR)
Igotreceptiontophonetheroom,buttherewasnoanswer.
(WOMANMOANING)
MAN:
Waitaminute.Wait,wait,wait,wait.
Can'twejustletourselvesin?
Thatisthebiggestnonoofthejob.
Younever,underanycircumstances,letyourselfintoanoccupiedroom.
Right.Guest'sprivacy.Actually,no,it'sforyourownsafety.
Sohowarewegonnagetthemout?
Morning,men.CanIinterestyouinalovelypieceoffinecheese?
(MANANDWOMANMOANING)
Thisneverhappened.
Yeah!
Sohowlongdowewait?
(WOMANSCREAMING)MAN:
Whatthe...
(BANGING)
Thatdidn'tsoundverygood.
Thisisathoroughlyregrettableincident,
andwewill,ofcourse,takecareofyourexpensesattheChesterton,
andpleaseallowustoprovideyouwithalimousineservicetotheairporttomorrow.
Beginyourhoneymooninstylewithourcompliments.
Apologiesforthedisruption,madam,
butwehavefoundyouaccommodationatanotherhotelinthearea.
I'mjustpreparingyourfinalbillnow.Preparingthebillforyounow.
(SIGHING)
Charlie,canItakeabreaksoon?
We'rekindofbusy.
Iknow,butIwanttofreshenupbeforethebandgethere.
Ben,theseareharddrinkingAmericanrockstars.They'renotgonnafallinlovewithyou.
Sometimesyoucanbesocruel.
It'sfortonight,ifthat'snottoomuchofanimposition.
I'lllookintothatforyou,sir,ofcourse.
HaveyounoticedanythingoddaboutRebeccatoday?
No.It'sFriday,
andshe'swearingtheblackArmanitwopiece.So?
TheblackArmanitwopieceshewearsonThursdays.
It'sthesamesuitthatsheworeyesterday.
Ithoughtyouhadtobegaytonoticethingslikethat.
No,observationis90%oftheconcierge'sjob.
WhenawomanlikeRebeccawearsthesameclothestwodaysrunning,
somethingisn'tright.
Iwantareceipt.
Thankyou.
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